there’s the version of me that quietly argues with herself every time she has to walk into a room full of strangers.Most people wouldn’t guess how shy I am. every networking event, conference etc is a battle inside me. I am telling you- there were times when the only people I spoke to at the event were…security😂The conversation in my head is always the same:“Just say hi.”“What are you afraid of?”Over time I’ve realised the freeze has a very specific trigger.When I’m in a room where I know I have something to offer- an opportunity, an insight, a reason someone might want to talk to me - I find it surprisingly easy to connect.But put me in a room full of people I see as genuinely impressive, people who don’t need anything from me, and I am scared to approach first and start a conversation. This week I went to an event in Soho. Around 50 people. Beautiful venue. Exactly that kind of room.I know, rationally, I’m good company. None of that knowledge helps in the moment.I stood at the bar with a glass of water, watching everyone settle into little groups, telling myself:Ok, finish the drink and leave!Then a woman walked up to the bar. I forced myself to say hello. We ended up talking for almost an hour.It turned out, she is close friends with Lauren, Lovable’s new VP of Global Sales in San Francisco. She even took a photo of us to send to her.She’s also VP of Sales at a startup backed by Brian Halligan, HubSpot’s founder - who personally interviewed her.Before we left, I asked if she’d like to grab a drink next time she was in London. She said she’d love to.Walking home, I kept thinking how difficult it is for me every single time. The freeze doesn’t disappear. I just push through it. And the world always meets me there.I don’t think this experience is unusual. I think it’s incredibly common.Sometimes you meet someone who seems effortlessly confident and think, I wish it felt that easy for me.Maybe they’re having exactly the same conversation with themselves that you’re having.Here are a few tips that help me to connect:- arrive EARLY. When everyone is entering a room…looking for a seat….choosing a drink. It’s the easiest moment to introduce yourself, everyone is basically looking who to talk to;- when you see a group of people and want to insert yourself into a conversation “hey, mind if I join? how do you guys know each other?” . They would typically say: “we just met! What’s your name?” If they do know each other, it’s even better, people love talking how they met.- never ask anything straight away. Connection needs time to get stronger. That person knows you exist - it’s already a huge win.substack I am reading often that inspire me a lot and give me some courage - A Good Omen: https://substack.com/@carlyvalancy?r=nvi0p&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=stories&shareImageVariant=lightConnection pending: https://substack.com/@phoebedodds1?r=nvi0p&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=stories&shareImageVariant=light«Dream jobs and careers, deep romances and friendships, great ideas and stories, all started with one person bold and curious enough to reach out to another»